I Wish You Could See....

I wish you could see the sadness of a businessman as his livelihood goes up in flames, or that family returning home, only to find their house and belongings damaged or lost for good.

I wish you could know what it is like to search a burning bedroom for trapped children, flames rolling above your head, your palms and knees burning as you crawl, the floor sagging under your weight as the kitchen below you burns.

I wish you could comprehend a wife's horror at 3 a.m. as I check her husband of 40 years for a pulse and find none. I start CPR anyway, hoping to bring him back, knowing intuitively that it's too late. But, wanting his wife and family to know everything possible was done to save his life.

I wish you knew the unique smell of burning insulation, the taste of soot filled mucus, the feeling of intense heat through your turnout gear, the sound of the flames cracking, the eeriness of being able to see absolutely nothing in dense smoke-sensations that I've become to familiar with.

I wish you could understand how it feels to go to work in the morning after having spent most of the night, hot and soaking wet at a multiple alarm fire.

I wish you could read my mind as I respond to a building fire "Is this a false alarm or a working fire? How is the building constructed? What hazards await me? Is anyone trapped?" Or to an EMS call, "What is wrong with the patient? Is it minor or life-threatening? Is the caller really in distress or is he waiting for us with a 2 x 4 or a gun?"

I wish you could be in the emergency room, as the doctor pronounces dead the beautiful five year old girl that I have been trying to save during the past 25 minutes. Who will never go on her first date or say the words, "I love you mommy" again.

I wish you could know the frustration I feel in the cab of the engine or my personal vehicle, the driver with his foot pressed down hard on the pedal, my arm tugging again and again at the horn chain, as you fail to yield the right-of-way at the intersection or in traffic. When you need us however, your first comment upon our arrival will be, "It took you forever to get here!"

I wish you could know my thoughts as I help extricate a girl of teenage years from the remains of her automobile. "What if this was my sister, my girlfriend or my friend? What were her parents reaction going to be when they opened the door to find a police officer with hat in hand?"

I wish you could know how it feels to walk in the back door and greet my parents and family, not having the heart to tell them that I nearly did not come back from the last call.

I wish you could feel the hurt as people verbally, and sometimes physically, abuse us or belittle what I do, or they express their attitudes of "It will never happen to me".

I wish you could realize the physical, emotional and mental drain or missed meals, lost sleep and forgone social activities, in addition to all the tragedy my eyes have seen.

I wish you could know the brotherhood and self satisfaction of  helping save a life or of preserving someone's property, or being able to be there in time of crisis, or creating total order from chaos.

I wish you could understand what it feels like to have a little boy tugging at your arm asking, "Is Mommy ok?" Not being to look in his eye without tears in your own and not knowing what to say. Or to hold back a long time friend who watches his buddy having rescue breathing done on him as they take him away in an ambulance. You know all along he did not have his seat belt on. A sensation  that I've become to familiar with.

Unless you have lived this kind of life, you'll never truly understand or appreciate who I am, we are, or what our job really means to us...

I wish you could though. (unknown author)